xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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