I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
