How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
