Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
