this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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