Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just gift wrapped bread.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
