Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
this is an emotional support booty call
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
