You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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