The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You pole danced in your parka.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
