Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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