Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
