I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
