all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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