It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
