I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
