ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
