I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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