Me too!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
