god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Randomize
