somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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