She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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