i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
