Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My dick has a subreddit
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
