I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
