So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
