She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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