2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
