God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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