I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
