I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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