so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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