4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
