Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
