remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
