Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
