there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
