I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
