it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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