Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
