I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
