I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
