Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
