I heard we made out
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
