then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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