I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
