You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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