you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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