i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
