He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
