Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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