Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
