You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
