I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
