Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i drank out of a bidet.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
