Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
