I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
